Something Profound

"I keep waiting for him to say something profound.  But it just hasn't happened."

My oldest son was promoted this past Sunday to the youth group.  He's going into sixth grade this fall.  Granted, he's always been a very bright kid.  He taught himself how to read, and was reading fluently by the time he turned three. He begged me to let him start school work when he was nearly four, and he finished the Kindergarten curriculum that I got for him before he was five. (In hindsight, I wish I hadn't let him start so early, but that's a different story for a different day.)

He can currently read on a college level, but most days he can't be bothered to read anything that I give him. He'd much rather do something "fun" than read. He can understand some fairly complicated math, but he hates sitting down to do it.  In fact, it's a fight to get him to do any work at all.  If he's not being paid for it, and it's not fun for him, he just doesn't want to do it.

As a homeschooling mom, who also used to be an elementary teacher, this almost literally hurts my heart.  I really wanted to be able to sit down and have deep conversations with my children about politics, literature, and science.  I know that many eleven year-olds aren't interested in talking with their parents about such things, especially in depth, but a teacher can dream, can't she?

This Sunday, when my husband picked my son up from his final elementary Bible school class at church, he talked with my son's teacher before leaving the classroom.  There are four kids, including our son, who are moving up to the youth group this upcoming Sunday.  She remarked how immature this group seems to be - including our son. She's unsure how this group of four is going to fare in the youth group. That's when she said, about our son, "I keep waiting for him to say something profound.  But it just hasn't happened."

When my husband told me what she said (out of earshot of our kids, of course), it was like I got punched in the gut.  Knowing what I do about my son's work ethic, this shouldn't have surprised me.  I know that he doesn't think very seriously about a good many things. I definitely don't think that he's sitting around contemplating things Biblical in nature.

But his teacher, as well as myself, remember the brilliant little boy.  The one who knew scads of Bible verses, the Lord's Prayer, and the Greek alphabet. (I'm pretty sure he still knows these things, but it seems so much more impressive when they're coming out of the mouth of a three year-old.)  It honestly seemed at the time when he was so young that he was going to grow up and be able to talk with the teachers and scribes just like Jesus did when he was twelve.

So, knowing his poor work ethic and disdain for all-things work related, why am I surprised and disappointed when a teacher mentions to us that she sees the same thing?  Is it simply because she noticed?  Someone found me out for a fraud of a Christian mother and teacher? Or am I disappointed because I wanted something more for him than just the love of pleasant diversions? Or did I find PRIDE in my son's abilities, and God wants me to learn to be humble?

To be honest, when I was expecting my son, my husband and I would pray over him.  We asked God to make our child caring and loving.  Looks and brains just didn't mean as much to us.  And, if I'm honest with myself, I think I am disappointed that he turned out handsome and smart with little or no empathy for others.

Regardless, it's been a bit of a wake-up call.  I know that he's young.  He really does have time to change his work-ethic.  One of the things that I'll be working with him the most this upcoming school year is how to change his attitude as well as his view on work.  I want to have conversations and not lectures.  Helping him find joy in his work as well as loving on him (and helping him learn to love on others) is what I'll be focusing on this year.