The Problem with Prayer

It's been about two months now.  

My cousin's daughter was pretty fussy before bedtime, and her parents, knowing that she was cranky with tiredness, put her in her bed and left her room.  When my cousin's husband went to check on his daughter later that night, he found her tangled in her window blinds.  She was already non-responsive.  She was resuscitated, whisked to the nearest children's hospital, and put on life support.  Family members were called - including myself.  Prayers chains were called - and formed - to pray for this precious girl and her family. 

I contacted the most spiritual women I know.  All of them.  I begged them to pray on their faces on behalf of my cousin's daughter.  I prayed in faith myself.

I truly believed that God would save my cousin's daughter. I prayed in complete faith. Here's one of the verses that I meditated on while I prayed: "Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing (healing), and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." John 14:12-14 (emphasis mine)

And also this one, which speaks of a father trying to save his beloved son: "And Jesus said to him, ‘If You can? All things are possible to him who believes.' Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, 'I do believe; help my unbelief!'" Mark 9:23-24 (again, emphasis mine)

I also remembered the story of Lazarus, Jesus's friend, who was *dead* for FOUR days. Jesus felt compassion for their family; he even wept with them. Then, just before his own crucifixion, Jesus raised Lazarus from the DEAD. Couldn't God do even more with a child who hadn't even died yet? I absolutely and with all certainty believed so.

After constant prayer, and complete belief that God would save her, she was taken off life support while surrounded by her parents and grandparents. 

And she left this earth.

They held their daughter's memorial service on what would have been her second birthday.

The very same week that my sweet second cousin died, I received news that my best friend's mom had been diagnosed with advanced Leukemia.  Still dazed with grief, I prayed for my friend's mother. This same woman who asked me to call her "Mama" when I was in her home.  The same woman who wrote me messages of encouragement when she knew that I was going through a rough time. I was able to visit with her once before she, too, passed into her eternal reward.

And the very same week that sweet Mama Karen was ushered into heaven, another dear friend wrote that her mother had suffered a sudden aneurysm. I prayed heartfelt, fervent requests again.  And again, after just a few hours, my friend's mother passed from this earth into eternity.

Consequently, I went through a period of anger and a crushing disappointment after each time.  I just didn't understand why God didn't answer my prayers like I wanted him to.  It seemed to go against the scriptures that I mentioned before as well as the other "prayer" verses that I've known for so long.

James 5:15-16 says this: "And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

And when Jesus's closest friends had issues with not being able to cleanse a man from demons, Jesus had this to say to them: "He replied, 'Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.'" (Matthew 17:20)

So, if I believe these verses to be true, and I do, what do they say if the opposite is true?  What do these verses tell me about my own righteousness - my own faith - if my prayers received a "No."?

I'm not a stranger to unanswered prayers.  I understand that everyone gets a "no" from God every once in a while.  When I railed at God when a dear friend's baby died a few years ago, I remembered when He spoke to Job after Job lost everything and then wanted to question God.  And God pretty much told Job to check himself before he wrecks himself. Okay, I'm paraphrasing a bit here.  In all seriousness, God told Job that He Himself created everything and was sovereign. Which I completely believe to be true. And Job went on to praise God anyway, even though he didn't understand why God chose to do the things He did.

And that's where I am now.  Talking with my husband, I had to admit that I just don't believe in the power of prayer anymore. At least not my prayers. I just don't.  This hasn't changed my belief in God.  On the contrary, I believe more than ever that God is in control.  He's going to do what He wants to do. He gives and takes away. Regardless of the outcome, I will praise His holy  name.

I've heard that prayer doesn't necessarily change God's plans, but it changes our hearts to correspond to God's will.

Ask me to pray for you, your child, your marriage, your sibling, your pet, your job, etc., and I will.  I really will.  But, honestly, my prayers won't do a thing to help you.  God loves you.  He's good. He wants what's best for you.

It's only God who can help you and your concerns.  While I'm honored to go to the throne of God on your behalf, please let me reassure you. While I don't have any confidence in my prayers at all, I have ALL confidence in God, who made heaven and earth, who knows you and me, and who loves us enough to send His son to die for us. While that might be frustrating, on this side of heaven all we can do is trust the One who knows exactly how the story of our lives ends and is eventually redeemed.